thetrianglepost asked: What do you think of my "Mr Happy" post as a piece of long copy from a strategist's vantage? It needs a call to action, perhaps a cursory wrap-up line as well, but I can't figure out what its missing. Help?
Long time, no see. Firstly, I like it as a piece of writing. Is it true? I want it to be true.
From a strategist’s vantage: where is this going to be? How will it be consumed? You can’t just say “it’s long copy” any more than you can say “it’s a viral” - the medium is much of the message. Look at the California tourism ads in the tube right now. They’re not brilliant but I think they work, because they’ve found a specific lens. What’s your lens? You start talking about “I” - so is this about you? It could be. Is it an advertorial, or cross-tracks? If you can figure out what you want it to be, your other questions might answer themselves.
Or it could be that Mr. Happy is the focus himself (as in the Cali tourism posters) - in which, your CTA is something about contacting him and getting an ‘I love you’ from him.
Strategically, the trick you’re playing here is trying to imply that Mr.Happy is a symptom of something about Bermuda. That Bermuda is the kind of place that can generate people like that. Kind of like the Malibu stuff, only not. Think about how you sum that up. That might be your endline.
Finally, think a bit about the purchase journey. How do people end up booking travel now, and where does this sit in that timeline/funnel? That will answer a lot of your questions, too.
As a writer: the little factoids and hooks are well-woven in, it’s like a travel article. But I personally think you could lose 10-20%. A matter of personal taste maybe, but I flinch a little at stuff like ‘cerulean highway’. A bit 80s, maybe?